There has come the need for me to give a little more detail to these challenges I face.
I have depression. I have struggled with it for all of my adult life. But it wasn't until a few years ago that I came to accept it. It colors my world. It makes small problems big. It's a pain in the butt! And lately, the more I fight it, the more I learn about it.
Hand in hand with that goes the low self esteem. Another thing I've dealt with much of my life. I often wonder what I have to offer to others, and continually tell myself that I must not be such a bad person to have the friends I have and the love people have for me. Sometimes it gets old, so this time I ventured to ask what you see in me. I know you see the good, but at this time, for me to believe it, I had to see it through your eyes. My eyes are clouded.
Raising children is a challenge, that goes without saying. But my last entry has nothing to do with them. Or with Sal. He knows what a basketcase I can be. The last entry was all about me. I'm at a low point and also facing some big things - some good and some challenging. They just seem overwhelming when I don't feel equipped to deal with them. I'll get into them another time.
I appreciate what you have contributed more than you will ever know. I am going to print your comments out and put them where I can always be reminded of who I am, and that my hard work is seen, and I won't have to wonder what I have to offer.
Much love.
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1 comment:
You don't know me and I don't know you, but I can understand what you are saying. I also have struggled with depression off and on through-out most of my life. I have had many different forms of help, from Therapists (have had 2 wonderful LDS professional counselors over the past few years), to attending the Temple as much as possible, to anti-depressants, and the list continues.
I guess I just want you to know that you are not alone. I am presently finding peace in reading my PB and reading a book called "The Power of Your Patriarchal Blessing" http://deseretbook.com/store/product/5001791 . It is helping. It also helps listening to Conference talks on my MP3 player as I am working. Having the Spirit as a companion during times of depression can be a great support. And of course, know that even complete strangers think you are wonderful.
Your sister from Everett, WA
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