For a long time, I've thought that I wouldn't be afraid of dying. I would welcome it as being the opportunity to escape this hard world. Now don't go thinking I'm going to do anything to hasten the process, but when my time comes, it comes and I won't fight it. I don't think there is anything scary about dying.
This week in one of my classes, we talked about the dying process as we will have to work with patients that are going through the stages. Then last night I had a dream that I was at my own viewing. It was quite lovely if I may say, and I was able to see how loved I was, but then it hit me that I had left some things undone. Nothing super important and could be handled by others easily, but nevertheless, I didn't finish my work. Now if you know me, I don't really like to make more work for others, and that's probably the biggest reason why Sal and I never go out on dates. So it really bothered me even after I woke up that I could go any time and tasks would not be completed. And I'm sitting here thinking that I don't want to die. I'm afraid of dying now. And not because I might leave my kids without a mother, but because I might not finish a minor task like getting the laundry done. There's a good reason to keep living: laundry, the never ending chore.
2 comments:
Funny girl. I love you and I'm more grateful for you than you will ever know. I sometimes think about what will happen when I pass on. I too see that there is so much to accomplish and get in order before that happens. Unlike you, it's easier for me to walk right by a pile a laundry. My mind is always on school. I love you. :))
Like you, I wonder what the world will be like when I leave. Will I have taught my children how to love and be loved. Will I have taught them to trust themselves? Will they go on to make the world a better place? Sometimes I get thinking about those things and it takes me to a dark place...and other times I feel grateful for the entire process.
And I hope that when I do die, it can be peaceful and not when I'm naked...that notion freaks me out.
Since you mentioned your school class - I started volunteering at our local hospital conducting vigils with patients who are dying. It's called No One Dies Alone and from the moment I saw it in the newspaper I knew I needed to be part of it...but death is a scary issue for me. In preparing to volunteer I read an amazing book - Final Gifts. It's all about what the dying process has to offer those of us who are living and what we offer those who are dying.
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